


If You Say The Word I'll Say Goodbye

by Smallcandy



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Even and Isak are both stubborn as fuck, M/M, Misunderstanding, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 09:01:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11460360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smallcandy/pseuds/Smallcandy
Summary: “When you’re young you have dreams, and at that moment, it’s all you can wish for. And when they are here, in front of you, you realized that you changed, and your dreams too.I’m not sure of what I want anymore” Isak whispered “if I still want this or not”Or the AU where Even and Isak are roommates





	1. 1 - ISAK

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiii ! It's my first fic and I hope you'll like it as much as I like writing it.  
> There may be LOTS OF mistakes since I'm not fluent in English but eh. I was inspired by a novel of Lily Haime, and thought it would make a great Evak story.  
> THERE WILL BE TONS OF ANSGT but don't worry, it'll be alright.  
> I won't mention Isak's nor Even's parents.
> 
>  
> 
> [ Music for this chapter ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoHFCLxTkE4)

###  1 - ISAK

Isak had a plan.  
Isn’t that what you tell yourself when you feel like everything is slipping away from you? So yeah. _Isak had a plan._ Well, more precisly, they had a plan. Julian and him.

They fell in love in first year when they were 15, their love for science and bio being without a doubt the reason why they sticked together this much. It felt easy, obvious, and natural. Maybe too easy.   
No matter that Julian was the “wrong sex”, that he liked playing FIFA more than Isak or that he made their love for bio and science a competition. It was Julian.   
He was taller than Isak, which was pretty uncommon since Isak was already pretty tall. (but he didn’t complain, actually he loved it) He had brown hair, dark eyes that made Isak’s knees weak and little tiny dimple on his cheeks. Julian was beautiful and Isak discovered his sexual orientation the hard way when he found himself glancing maybe a little bit too much at Julian’s butt. Anyways, Julian and him were perfect together.

Their plan couldn’t be more simple. It was frighteningly naive but also incredibly smart.

Julian and Isak wanted to go study at Trondheim science university together. The thing here was that Isak didn’t pass the entrance exam unlike Julian who completly nailed it. But everything was fine, they were fine, and that’s basically how the plan was born.  
Julian would go to Trondheim, and Isak to UiO. After 1 year in Oslo, Isak would try to pass the entrance exam again and they would be together because Isak this time, would obviously nailed the exam. They decided that they’d visit each other from time to time, enjoy their student life separatly, make their own experiences to finally meet again, more in love than ever and without the frustration of maybe missing something.

It was perfect.

They obviously both changed during this year, grew a little bit, became more mature from the time they promised each other they’d be in love forever.  
Soon, they’d move together in Trondheim. Both of them living their passion for science, hand in hand, in a cosy flat full of their love.

However, here he was. In his room, the letter he received this morning still in his hand. The letter that he had wait for so long. The one telling him that he finally passed the entrance exam of Trondheim university.  
So why wasn’t he screaming his joy to the world? It was the result of his hard work in UiO so why wasn’t he happy?  
Isak loved Julian. Of course he did. So why did he still have this letter in his hands? He should be calling Julian, calling his friends, tell it to the whole world.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Because of him.   
_Even Bech Næsheim._

He was a litterature student, and since Isak and Even’s first day at UiO, they had to share a room.   
Even arrived one week before him, and when Isak first discovered their futur room for the next year, he was surprised to already find his roommate’s shelf drowning in piles of books. There was a giant pink, yellow and blue flag pinned above his bed, and some sketches taped under it. His bed was hiding under a pile of clothes, jeans, t-shirt, nothing extravagant apart the fact that there was 3 differents Denim jackets.  
That was when Isak first saw him, laying against the door frame, arms crossed against his chest, his eyes too blue, his hair too styled, his smile too bright, his intention too obvious that he froze. Even was _too much_ , that was it.

“Even Bech Næsheim” he said, giving a strong handshake to Isak.

“Isak Valtersen”

Isak’s hands were sweaty and he took it back quickly to reajust his red snapback, trying to avoid the ice blue eyes of the man in front of him.

“I’m pansexual” Even informed out of nowhere “Is it gonna be a problem to you ?”

Isak shouldn’t have lie. He never hid his sexuality, nor let people crushed him down for what he was. It hasn’t been easy, it hasn’t been painless, but he managed it, he fought for it, and people had no choice but to accept it and leave him alone.  
But here, in front of Even, his courage left him and he merely shrugged, turning his back to his roommate to start taking his clothes out of his bags.

“Okay, and I’m straight” he lied, glancing shyly at Even “Is it gonna be a problem to you ?”

Even laughed loudly at this (which sent shiver down Isak’s spine) as he let himself fall on his bed, not even bothered by the clothes on it, took a book and quickly fell asleep, the sound of his breath slowly filling the room.

 

For 6 months now, this sound soothed Isak’s sleep.   
At night, if he turned his head to the right, he could barely see the sleepy trait of Even’s face in the darkness of their room, the shape of his thin body half covered by the sheets. And in the morning, it was his big hand on his shoulder that woke him up when his alarm didn’t.  
His smell was always floating in the room. It smelt like man perfume and cigarette. His clothes gathered on the floor were mixing with Isak’s, and there was post-it every where on his desk. It was an habit Even developed, and whenever he had time, he would draw or write things to Isak, leaving them in his biology books or on his pillow or on his computer. Isak kept all of them. He didn’t want to admit it though, and just stuffed them all in a box under his bed. Throwing them away was just not an option, he thought each one of the post-it had an importance, just like every cell in a human’s brain.

 

6 months ago, he had a plan, he had Julian.


	2. 2 - EVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ Music for this chapter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGytDsqkQY8)

###  2 - EVEN

“Come on dude, said Yousef "What is your problem tonight?”

Even let out a laugh. Not a laughter of joy, but a laughter of sadness. A laughter that fall like heavy tears.  
He asked the barman another shot of whiskey while Yousef asked for a beer.

“Let me guess. Is it again because of Isak ?”

Even drank his shot without hesitation and it felt awful, it burned his throat but he didn’t care. Yousef didn’t wait for an answer because he already knew it.  
Yousef studied langage at UiO. Even and him were best friend for 3 years, when it really felt more like they knew each other forever. He understood everything of Even, even without words spoken.  
And that surely the reason why he was the only one to know how gone Even was on Isak. The only one to know how much Even was waiting the evenning impatiently, waiting for the moment he would close the door of their room and it was only the two of them.

Even hasn’t always been this one guy. This one guy who always fall for the wrong person. And by wrong person, he meant _straight_ , obviously.  
There was so many guys who hadn’t got any problem sharing the carnal pleasure with Even, but his stupid heart choose to fall for the one he would never have.  
Even loved sex. He loved when it was easy, when it meant nothing. He loved the feeling of a sweaty body against his, the sound of moaning and panting in his ears, the smell of sex and cigarette afterward. He was 21 years old, he was pretty, and he surely didn’t need to fall for him.  
The worst of this was that he tried, he really tried to resist. He tried to stay as far as possible from him (not as if they shared a room whatsoever) He tried not to notice the joy that filled Isak’s eyes when he found the answer to some of his homework, the way he scrunched up his squichy nose whenever he didn't understand something, (Even had no proof of this but he decided that Isak's nose was squichy) the mess that was his curly hair in the morning, or the habit he had to wet his lips with his tongue every.damn.time.  
Isak had nothing of a Geek who work all day and night on his computer (that would have been easier for Even). He was a hard worker, but it never prevented him to go out with his friends, or drink at some bar when Even asked him to, often when he felt that he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Despite what he wanted to show, Isak wasn’t calm or chill. He tended to accumulate way too much stress for his (tiny) body to keep. When it was the case, Even usually came behind him, passed his arms over Isak’s shoulder and closed the book in front of him. Isak turned around to face Even, smiled at him and stretched himself like a cat. Then he’d stand up toward his bed to change in his night outfit (a boxer) and throw an hesitant look at Even when he felt his stare on him a bit too insistant.  
Isak was pretty. He had a fit body, his abs being perfectly drawn ; not too much, but still visible. It required some Herculean strenght for Even not to look at him. He was also cute. Unbearably cute. He always wore snapback to cover his golden curls and had something for over sized hoodies, often stealing Even's clothes as if it was his. He really wouldn't care if only he could resist the desir of pinning him against the wall and just devour him. Isak was a _huge_ danger to Even.

Even thought he still had years to figure out his feeling toward Isak. He thought he could manage to change the love he had into something less intense, less wounding.  
And maybe he wouldn’t feel like there was emptiness under his feet and in his heart at the moment.

He needed another drink. Another one.

“Can’t you tell me what is going on for fuck’s sake Even” spitted Yousef “Or do i really have to watch your nasty ass getting wasted ? You know it's not good for you”

Even didn’t find the strength to talk. So he lazily searched in his pocket and throw the letter at Yousef. At first he looked at Even, confused, and he quickly read the said letter. He let out a long sigh and finally understood why his best friend couldn’t stop himself from drowning in alcohol.

“I’m sorry Even”

Even slowly turned to look at him and found all but surprise in his eyes.

“Did you… did you know?”

“No. But if you wonder why i am not surprised, it’s because we’re talking about Isak. He is a genius dude, he is ambitious and he worked hard for that. This is a fucking great opportunity for him”

_Of course it was._

“He received this already days ago Yousef”

Yousef looked at him, thinking of something to say.

“Listen Even. We still have 4 months of school, you could maybe try to keep him here in Oslo”

“Yeah? And how am I supposed to do that?” spitted Even

“I don’t know, but you should try.”

Even was upset and he nearly fell from the chair he was sitting on, too exhausted to think clearly. Yousef tried to help him but he shoved his hands away.

“You just don’t fucking become gay like that, Yousef” he told him aggresevly, staggering toward the exit.

Isak was going to leave, and he couldn’t do anything but to watch him go. That was the only option. He was going to be some famous fucking scientist, he would marry his fucking girlfriend who he called every damn day. Just listening to him being so cheesy with her could make Even throw up. Isak would be happy. He won’t remember the weird guy who shared his room, the weird guy who loved him so much but had nothing to hold him back.  
When Even finally reached the outside, he allowed himself to take some deep breaths, the fresh air contrasting the hotness of his cheeks.  
Yousef put his arm around Even’s shoulder while they walked toward the campus.

“Even, you have 4 months. Stop being so negative and give yourself a _real_ chance. What could go wrong beside a simple "no” ? Isak would not hit you because you tried to kiss him, Jesus. I mean, he followed you in a gay bar only because you wanted to go there, he took care of you when you had an episode and looked like shit, he let you sleep with him when you were feeling down and didn't want to be alone. Let me tell you that I precisly remember coming in your room to find him caressing your hair dude. I don't know why he didn’t tell you about Trondheim, but stop acting like you already know everything. I can tell you you mean a lot to him, so if he is what you really want, go for it.“

Even didn’t realise they stopped walking and were standing there, in the middle of the campus.  
How much did he drink? 4? 5 shots? Maybe 10?  
There was tension between the two friends who were still standing in silence, looking at each other. Even didn’t know if he wanted to punch him or thanked him for making him realized how stupid he was. Even passed a hand through his thick messy hair and broke the silence.

"I’m not an asshole. I can’t just act like a selfish bastard and make him miss the thing he’s been working for since I know him. Not now. Not 4 months before he realized his dream.”

“That’s exactly the reason why you have to make a move now”

“Oh my god Yousef it’s so selfish”

“Yeah! So what ? Love is selfish and it comes in your life without saying a word”

“I’m drunk as fuck and you saying shit this deep still makes me cringe”

_Yousef was maybe right._

Even was walking back to his room, his heart beating a little faster than usual. He slowly opened the door, trying not to wake him up. But it was useless because as soon as he opened the door, he found a very wake Isak, lying in his bed, reading his biology notes. Isak watched a drunk Even walking toward him, letting himself fall on the bed next to him like a dead body.

“You know you have a bed right” said Isak as he was already reading his notes.

“You know it’s saturday night, two in the morning and you are fucking studying right?”

“I went out actually”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. With Jonas and Sana”

“When did you come back?”

“20min ago I think”

“You had fun?”

“As usual.”

His answers were automatic, as if he didn’t think before speaking.  
Even sat up painfully on Isak’s bed.

“Did you really miss atoms or whatever it is that much?” Even teased as he stood up and stretched his long arms.

“I was waiting for you.”

He took off his shirt and throw it to the floor. He glanced suspiciously at Isak. He really wasn’t the kind of person stressing about the time Even came home.

“Yeah whatever, thanks mom” he joked as he throw his shoes to the door, starting to take off his pants.

“You found my letter.”

At this, Even froze. He looked at Isak who was already looking at him with his beautiful green eyes which were staring into his soul.

“It’s not on my desk anymore so I guess you found it.”

Even then grabbed the letter out of his pocket, his cheeks hot ans certainly red because of the alcohol and also a little bit because of Isak. He throw the letter on Isak’s bed, but the boy didn’t even look at it. His gaze didn’t leave Even.

“Even ?”

Even quickly turned his back to Isak, took off his jeans and jumped under his sheets. He crossed his arms behind his head and looked at the ceiling.

“I didn’t accept yet” quietly said Isak.

Even was such a dick that it made him smile internally.

“Why?”

Isak was smiling, but stoped looking at Even. He sighed loudly

“When you’re young you have dreams, and at that moment, it’s all you can wish for. And when they are here, in front of you, you realized that you changed, and your dreams too”

He stopped for a moment

“I’m not sure of what I want anymore” he whispered, turning his head to look at Even “if I still want this or not”

Even didn’t know what to say, but he also knew Isak didn’t wait for an answer.   
Doubt was a weakness, and maybe, maybe Even could use it as a way to make him stay.


End file.
